SPORKED!

Well, I know it's been quite some time since I've had anyone to add to my lengthening list, but---someone somewhere took pity on me and gave me not one but TWO unfortunates to add to the spork list.

JEREMY WEST-- Jeremy West, I believe originally was on the probationary list though I had to fight to put him there and, since it is MY list, I won. I really wanted him on the spork list just to piss Emily off, but now she says it's OK to move him on up so here he is.
Transgression One: You wandered through the dorm as 'Captain Democrat' or whatever. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen.
Transgression Two: You slept OUTSIDE Sullivan Hall IN A TENT before finals IN DECEMBER. You are a moron. The Sub-Transgression involved in this is that you slept in Emily's sleeping bag WITHOUT PANTS ON. That's just a no no. That's like using someone's tooth brush. Grody.
Transgression Three: You are mentally inept. On the trip to Washington DC with Fifer, you separated yourself from your group and you were in the car that went the long way to DC so basically I blame everyone in that car for that one. You walk barefoot in creeks and cut your foot open but don't seek immidiate medical care. You blister your hands and LET DOC OPERATE! A guy who, despite his name, IS NOT A DOCTOR!
Transgression FOur: Possibly the worst.....The rumor mill CLEARLY STATES that you decided to start and IV on yourself so you could 'drink more beer.' This is by far, the most retarded thing I've ever heard of, and by Emily's own decree, has landed you on the spork list.

Jeremy West, consider yourself SPORKED!

MIKE ROSSI

Oh, Mike---you've just been asking to get put on here. Since Jello doesn't really KNOW about the spork list, I'm putting you on here. However, I'm sure if she knew about it, she'd follow through and spork you and that would only incriminate ME since I'm the only one with an entire blog page about sporking male bits of anatomy. Then again I have said it's only me if there's copious amounts of blood and our favorite Plastic Implements of Doom scatterd about so it would be guilt by prior admittance.

Anyway, you are on here because you fucked a rugby slut---while you were still with Jello. You're on here because you hurt one of my girls. No one hurts one of my girls and gets away with it....ask your buddy chip...he's on the list too.

Emilee really liked you and, granted---she's a mean drunk at times---you had no right to go and hurt her in such a way. Do you know what Rugby sluts have? Do you know how many of your compatriots she's fucked/blown? Do you know how many other guys have had the displeasure of crawling between her legs? And, come to find out, you banged the rugby slut behind Jello's back, she dumps your ass and you're ALREADY banging some other girl. I mean, kudos on rebounding but DAMN....it's called grace period man.....take a break for five seconds...it's not like that thing has a shelf life.....or does it?

Alright, well ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, our two most recent additions to the spork list.

Have a nice Day :-D